(apologies, this was taken last weekend but this ethereal minstrel has been singing in my head all week)
Last week I booked today off. I’ve been noticing, unsurprisingly, that four days are easier to handle than five. It’s daft in a way but it’s that thing of two done, two to go, that seems to make it a bit more doable.
I’ve been curious that I’m still so very exhausted though. After all, I am not driving for two hours each day. I’ve got a much pleasanter environment and can make teas and coffees and watch life in the garden in any breaks.
Then yesterday in a very concentrated day I thought about it and realised what gets absorbed and is ‘just’ considered normal ... domestic violence, child protection, abuse, historical abuse, anger, soul sapping depression, wall climbing anxiety, grief, lots and lots of variations and permutations of grief and loss and despair. And that’s this last week.
However, that is not a balanced view and one of the highlights has been a previously suicidal youngster, who has said he has found it impossible to express how he feels, who suddenly said, ‘I feel as though I am finding a compass’.
And another ... ‘I used to be a nihilist, but ...(and you know where this is going, don’t you!) ... but ...now I can’t see the point ... mostly’
And let’s not forget the high point of the online team briefing where we were asked to think about the impact of working online/telephone... in a rash moment I chipped in and talked about how I was really noticing the importance of tone and the honing and development of senses that can be lost in the distracted crowd of stimulus face to face ....
.....
..... ......
..... and then there was that rather painful moment of looking at the blank faces and watching the tumbleweed disappearing down the dust dry street ...
Note to self - don’t do it again (or save it for your clinical group and not when entirely outnumbered by cbt folk) ... it was a cameo moment of the David and Goliath clinical/medical model dominated world we live in.

This morning I feel like I’ve been a bit run over and have a headache so a gentle day beckons.