Politically correct version?

"Beans, beans, musical fruit;
the more you eat the more you TOOT!"
I heard it on the radio some years ago.  Being "ancient" and not all that mobile, Alice and I didn't eat a LOT, so we used a small tin between us if we had Beans on toast as a snack.
HM Govt. has the idea that I live on Tinned soup, chopped tomatoes, beans, apples and oranges + other odds and sods; but the above mentioned, with rice and spuds are the staples.
At 1/2 a tin per sitting I can have Beans on toast, daily for the next three weeks. At least there's a trace of variety? 
 
I've just, sarcastically, noticed that they aren't part of my "5 - a day" if there's no added sugar or artificial sweeteners; or when there are five varieties of bean?
:¬ ()