The Shoulder Width Proportionality Act

When we got this bed (king size up from our old double), we couldn’t believe how big it was and how much space we each had. We’ve got used to it very quickly. James likes to maintain this fiction that I am permanently on his side. I claim it’s just my prerogative under the Right to Unoccupied Space Act (2019). This means a person is entitled to use unoccupied areas of the other’s side of the bed, on the condition that the offending limb is moved the moment the owner requires the space. James tried to pass the Shoulder Width Proportionality Act (2020), giving him his rights to an enormous share, but it failed to gain a majority.

Last night I decided enough was enough and tied our dressing gown belts down from the middle headboard bar. I must admit I initially thought my side looked smaller. James, of course, claimed his looked bigger. Nevertheless, 1am came and James complained my knee was in his bum, only to discover that his bum was, in fact, over the agreed boundary! Justice had prevailed. This morning he denied all recollection of the incident....