break in the line

Illness a familiar pattern of resistance
a block to that which is good
that which I fear I don't deserve
a retreat, a denial of participation, a cutting off of pleasure

It's also the fear of taking in the fullness of life, absorbing all that it brings, let out all that is within. So much is about the breath that I hold, won't let go, won't let in.

And the skin, it's about boundaries, fearing their dissolution, their breach: really got under your skin.