Red Shoe Diary . . .

Dear Diary,
When I woke up this morning, I felt like the wretched Gregor in Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis, who turned into a "monstrous bug". Not that I'd turned into anything as nasty as that, of course. It was just my feet. They were huge. Normally I'm a dainty-ish Size 6, but overnight they'd grown into a clownish size 25.
Wow, was I flummoxed. But when I looked out of the window, I saw that everyone else had grown giant feet as well, so I felt much better. I think it must be climate change. And there's a silver lining - Agan, aka Mr Skinflint, had to give me a bag of cash so I could go shopping for Size 30s. What do you think of these? Great, eh! No danger of being run over in the evening gloom. Now, where are the leather boots? And perhaps I need a new dress. And a pair of red ear rings . . .
Love, Jools