You can't see it, but it's a picture of my son's room's windows in the dark with a little bit of a moonlight shining through.

When you look out these windows, there's a memory care house across the street. I hardly see the patients (with covid, now never), but I've always wondered


what kind of a life did they have?

and how does it feel to slowly have your memories ...


Disappear?





I have been unhappy.
COVID quarantine has not been helping.



I have really good days or really bad days.
I take the good days with very open arms. I do try.



But recently, I can tell the quarantine is getting to my husband.

We fight more.
We don't talk like before.
Or just... Silence while our own screens talk to us.


I know we still love each other, but it's been a hard battle.





I wonder, for those patients who were married,
What do they remember?
Were they happy?
Would they rather remember all the good and the bad
Or
Just the good?
But without the bad, nothing... Is good.



Will this chapter in our life strengthen us?
Or break us?




To be completely transparent here,
I have imagined a life without my husband.
What if I never agreed to date him?
What if I did break up with him that day completely?
Where would I be now?
Would I remember him fondly? Miss him?
I wouldn't have my son.

Would I really be happier?








Isn't life so strange?











All I know is,
in order to be happier,
I'll have to forget
everything.
Because in the end, even while remembering the bad, I will miss him.







Isn't marriage so strange?




There is a reason why "until death do us part" is the last line in a typical marriage vow.

Bind to this one person.



So many memories.





We will get through this, my love.

We will.