INTERVIEW IN PIGEON ENGLISH

Leading up to the Alternative Olympic Games, which start on 1st August, I have been watching carefully to see what birds might be attempting the "Longest Glide Without Wing Movement Race".  I spotted Wally the Wood Pigeon outside our house on the water hydrant post, so quickly found my microphone and went out to interview him.

He told me that he needed to find somewhere that wasn’t too high because he was quite new to this sort of thing but his parents had taken part four years ago and his Dad had won a Gold Medal.  However, his Mum had rather a large under-carriage, not that she liked to be reminded of that fact, and this had meant she didn’t get as far as Dad - in fact, she was very disappointed not to have got a podium finish and didn’t speak to Dad for days afterwards.

He told me that he needed to face into the wind to try and get some lift, but as it was rather blustery today, he was having some difficulty perfecting his technique.  I watched him for a few minutes so could see what he meant - and it was obvious that he had quite a few ruffled feathers that rather hampered his gliding.

He also said that the heavy rain this morning had been a pain as it meant he couldn’t start earlier but he was now in the right mindset and hoped that his training would be able to go ahead with no further problems.  He had almost perfected his flutter and would just need to practise more as long as the weather was good.

I have said I will look out for him later in the week, but he said that he may have to find somewhere slightly higher to get more lift, which might not be outside our house.  However, he said he would not be looking for somewhere like the lamp posts nearby or in fact, Nelson’s Column in London, which is 169 feet 3 inches, or 51.6 metres if you are into metric, as there were far too many pigeons up there and he didn’t like to be hassled as he was about to glide.  

He was also aware that the next-door neighbour has a cat that tended to creep up behind him bringing meaning to the saying, “Cat among the pigeons” and he had seen many friends who had to fight for their lives when this black cat pounced.

I told him that I would be out later in the week shouting, “Where’s Wally” so if he heard me, then he might like to come down onto the water hydrant post for another interview and he said he would think about it.  He mentioned that he might have to start charging me for interviews and modelling fees, as he was very much in demand so I told him that no doubt we could work something out between us.  

He did say that he had heard from Mr. HCB that the “going rate” for modelling fees were not that good, and as he had a family to support, he might have to go elsewhere where he would get a higher fee.  I told him not to be hasty as a “bird in the hand is worth two on the hydrant” - and he said he would bear this in mind when it was time to make his decision. 

“You have to accept the fact that 
     sometimes you are the pigeon, 
          and sometimes you are the statue.”
Claude Chabrol