Fuzzy

I've been tackling a very long overdue task today, something I've been putting off for way too long. The house here is unusual in that it has an old coach house at the back, joined to the main terrace by a bridge over a courtyard. It's not quite as glamorous as it sounds but it's still a very cool house. The coachhouse (the old stables really) is converted into a room at the top with a big space below which has always been used for storage ... and just dumping stuff. Because it's such a big space there has never really been any need to throw things away. And I've never been that good at casting off the flotsam and jetsam of modern life - not really down to any sense of possessiveness around stuff but simply because I hate waste and feel that something could be salvaged for some future use or simply found another home. All that crap (almost 15 years' worth) has become quite a burden, anchoring me in the past and preventing me from fully embracing a new future with less responsibility. A lot of it has been disposed of today.

It's not been quite the cathartic experience I was expecting. I've felt very fuzzy in the head today, which is why this shot has been chosen to blip. I think it's about the confrontation with all that stuff, a lot of it bought for the kids, some stuff well used but a lot of it hardly used at all. It reminded me of that meal night before last. Like all that food which was so hard to resist, which compelled me to eat beyond the point where I felt comfortable, so it is with all the stuff in the shops, especially when we have young children. We are seduced into believing we want this stuff when we don't actually need much of it at all. It also felt weird getting rid of old computers and fancy monitors, equipment which cost thousands of pounds at the time but has now been rendered utterly obsolete in just a few years. It's a simple fact of life but I found that rather depressing today. It's left me desperate to lead a simpler life. All I feel I really need these days is my camera ... and my laptop I guess, to connect to the world. Everything else is surplus to requirements.

It was interesting to witness my two sons' almost total lack of attachment to any of the stuff from their childhood. They have never really collected or acquired things, and I guess this has to be considered healthy. I think this new generation lives far more in the present moment than my generation did. If it means they consume less and feel less need to acquire things then perhaps that's a positive I can take from the day to help combat all these negative emotions that have come to the surface.