"Power tool in the bedroom..."

This is a second attempt at today’s blip.

After having spent a long time on version one, but still wanting to refine it before putting it out into the world, I clearly neglected to save it, losing a lot of words in the process. Gutted.

It was meant to be about something else, but I ended up talking about Robin Williams whose name had been on social media a lot last week as it was a grim anniversary of his passing. Because of the nature of his death, it is hard to talk about him without getting on to matters of mental health and the tragedy of what that poor man went through in his final years, but being a film and TV fan, I admired the range of his body of work and shall stick to that here.

I can remember many summer holiday mornings coming to whilst watching repeats of Mork and Mindy. He brought that same manic energy to Good Morning Vietnam and the role of the genie in Aladdin (for my money, one of the finest voice-only performances) and wasn’t afraid to try insidious and creepy in One Hour Photo or go toe-to-toe with Al Pacino in Insomnia.

In 1998 he won a Best Supporting Actor for his brilliantly layered performance in Good Will Hunting. Playing a therapist navigating his own inner turmoil whilst trying to help others through theirs. Or as we now know, a man with his own inner turmoil, playing the role of someone with inner turmoil, helping others deal with their inner turmoil. Small wonder that he was able to ace it.

Arguably though, he may be best remembered for Mrs Doubtfire. Like many others at the time, I lapped up the trailer fodder – He’s a man DRESSED AS A WOMAN! He’s dancing with a hoover! His boobs are on fire! However, as a young and immature 15-year old, the pathos of the story of an immature man who simply wants to be with his children* and is struggling to see his family moving on without him was lost on me, but one of the lines did strike a chord as I found it a little to saccharine. This is when Mrs Doubtfire has been unmasked/de-frocked and Daniel Hillard is explaining his actions to the judge and is talking about his children:-

“I love them with all my heart, and the idea of someone telling me I can't be with them, I can't see them every day...it's like someone saying I can't have air. I can't live without air, and I can't live without them.”

As a fifteen-year old, this felt like a bit much. Really, Daniel Hillard? Like air?

As a 42-year old father of three and yes, an erstwhile wearer of women’s clothes (annual pantomime) who was doing his longest stretch yet without seeing his youngest two because they were on holiday with their mum and her new partner, this line finally hit home with me. 

Whilst I have tried to keep myself busy and distracted, this last week has been like waiting to exhale, so when the wee ones burst through my door this morning with big smiles, cuddles and shouts of “DADDY!” I could feel the air rushing back in to my lungs and a wave of exhaustion washing over me as yet another in a series of unrequested “firsts” has been negotiated with only the smallest (ahem) of freak-outs on my part.

They were so lovely and affectionate all day, we played games, did some stickers, painting (my attempt at…….something shown here) and watched Inside Out again, which absolutely none of us cried at.

It was all so normal and “us” and for about the bazillionth time, I cursed myself for once again having carelessly stumbled into anxiety’s carefully laid catastrophising trap and for failing to follow the simplest piece of advice ever: breathe.



*I should say that for the sake of clarity and fairness, in the film, Daniel Hillard loses custody of his children to his ex, which prompts the Mrs Doubtfire character.

My ex and I sorted things between us and to the best of my knowledge, all involved are happy with the arrangement we landed on, no cross-dressing nannies were involved and I didn’t have to dress up as Spider-Man and sellotape myself to the London Eye in protest.