Guard Duty

'So tell me, why is it we always get guard duty when it's throwing it down or sleeting or, hang on a minute, like today.....doing both?'
'Oh will you just stop whingeing! Look at Bert's body language, he's obviously had enough of you!'
'Ooo body language! Have you been watching tele through no. 15's window again?'
'There's nothing wrong with a bit of education. I warned everyone about that sunflower seed scare after that Panorama programme didn't I? I knew it didn't taste right.'
'You're right, didn't it turn out to be shavings from that factory floor in some foreign place?'
'Yeh Lancashire!'
'Beggars! That's why I moved here 'cos the guy in the hat always uses top quality stuff...... Anyway how much longer do we have to freeze our feet off on these prickly bushes, it's dead uncomfortable!'
''Til Captain Sparrow sends up the relief.'
'Captain Sparrow! just because he once had a fly over in a Jonny Depp movie he calls himself Captain! He roosts in the Kat Kabin deep in this bush, all nice and cosy like, dispensing orders. What are we supposed to be guarding against anyway?'
'The Sparrowhawk's been seen flying around..'
'Sparrowhawk! Sparrowhawk! What utter rubbish (whoosh! Squawk!) Bill?....Bill?'