The Old Mill, Oudemolen

Oudemolen = 'Ow-duh-mo-len' = 'old mill'.  Yup, the place was named after it.

It had been raining on and off the whole day.  In the afternoon, thought I'd chance it, hoping the clouds were decidedly not at the place I wanted to go to.  Had to drive through a downpour and I thought, if this goes on I'll just keep on driving till I hit a sunny town, but that was not necessary.  In the shot, the sun was behind me, and that was enough.

Some housekeeping, some colouring.

The week has taken on a slightly depressing turn, with more than the usual panic attacks that didn't go away even after I patiently sat down with myself and nitpicked at them.  Western culture is very competitive and a lot of stress is put on Western-style success, financial achievements, 'getting there' (whatever that is), and I've had to remind myself constantly this week that I opted out of the rat race on my own terms, fully aware (or was I?) of what I was doing and why, and that most of my personal goals have already been reached and more.  Both AW and I worked hard to get to where we are.  In the meantime, the whole world has been struggling with COVID-19, and maybe I should be 'doing something'.  And then I realize that what I've been feeling is a kind of 'drag' or 'carry over' from what my life used to be.  Maybe I'm only feeling this way because I've sufficiently recovered from the burn-out and need to look for work again.  That said ... where would I work now?  The schools aren't hiring at the moment, at least not in my field of expertise, and, anyway, I'm already registered at a job centre and they haven't found anything for me yet, either.  To be clear, this is a phase I'm going through again.  The definitions society has imposed on us often lead to stress and change of focus.  I've responded positively to those obligations through the years and done what I had to do.  Although I've always been labelled weird, I think I've managed to behave more normally by anyone's standards and not taken advantage of the system, which would have been totally out of character but which many others would have chosen to do.  So, now, more generous helpings of patience and mindfulness needed.  I haven't been in the doldrums as I've been busy enough, but unnecessary guilt is an evil companion.  The usual standards and expectations don't appear to apply to me.