Hard going

I found today incredibly hard. I have felt sad and bereft all day. A sense of being out of control and lost. Not in control doesn’t suit me.
I also felt great sadness for the life that should have been. I suppose it will always be like that.
I took me and little B to find stickman. We had the most amazing fly by with a chinook and I kept finding feathers everywhere.
Home for the collection. Well little A had an amazing day. We walked and talked all the way home. No worries or tears or concerns. Thank heavens!!!!
I felt incredibly tired in the evening maybe because I used all my Adrenalin worrying.