received these lovely flowers fro a friend....i think i am beginning to realise what has happened has affected me in a deeper way that i think........am very emotional.and utterly exhausted......in Holland there’s a saying: ik kan mijn draai niet vinden......it sort of means you cant quite figure out what’s happening.....
i’ve turned comments off for a while until i can make a bit of sense about what’s going on.....

i guess it has something to do with the grief of the past 4 year, brother in law, husband, sister.,maybe even the cancer time....this was maybe a bit of straw that broke the camel’s back....