Mono.

Sorry I haven't been Blipping, not that you really care but I haven't been home to be able to do so.

I have just eaten dinner, I haven't been able to have a bath because I have been with Bex who's bath is knackered therefore has been taken out and a new one is being fitted but that is yet to be completed.

I am job hunting, as soon as I find myself a part time job me and Bex are applying for a flat, shes sick of living at home surrounded by her family who aren't kind to her as of the moment, and I can even see that theyare being unreasonable, especially her older sister who I strongly dislike. I feel like i'm starting my life now, and It's not how I want it. It is all wrong, entirely and completely wrong. But i'm going along with it because it's not as if anything is going to change.

She took my love and burnt it, remember. I know there's none left in me to give. Which is an odd feeling, I really do feel like i'll never be happy with someone again because of her, so that's good.

I am going to go in the Bath now and then get out and watch Karl pilkington's - An idiot abroad, until ten o'clock when Richy Gervais and Karl return in tonight's 'Derek'.

I am really upset, I have been for about 5 months now, with episodes of pure joy, that again, were snatched away.

Bex was asking how I got all my scars. So I told her the truth, that was a sad 2 hours. She was angry and upset and I felt nothing but remorse for having no self control.

~

I told her how Bethan and I were very happy ever since we met, and how I loved her, I told her though, how things changed when we got together, not our love, but on our first official night together she told me she was dying, of a disease called lupus, and she lead me on and on to believe it was true, with dates of her death that kept creeping closer. She told me of her attempted suicide and how she said I wasn't enough to keep her alive as I stood outside the language classrooms in the Long Language corridor, propped up against the wall opposite the toilets. How she genuinely said 'I love you, but you're just not enough to keep me alive, love is not enough.'
I told Bex how I was sad, so I cut myself all down my arms, and then my stomach and legs and ankles and feet and hands, I told her how I attempted suicide and was diagnosed with severe depression. She sat and listened in sadness to the things I had to say, but then came the twist, the sick, vulgar irreversible catch, that.

Bethan had lied. She wasn't dying, didn't try and kill herself, she wasn't even sick with Lupus, she just had Juvi arthritis, and she'd let me believe i'd be losing her, she watched me get sick, watched me cry, and spurred on the tears. She waited till I was really not well, shortening the time span I had left with her, and even when I left her a note of my attempted suicide, she didn't own up.