New reality day 132

We've had some trouble with our internet this afternoon. Might have something to do with the yesterday added amplifier or might be a coincidence.

We've finally seen the sun today. I think we were all out for at least a week. Day is very short already and going shorter for another few weeks.

I have a day off. I made one application yesterday and another today. I have anxiety about going to work tomorrow. I wish I had a switch to turn off all caring and could be a robot during my work hours. It would make everything easier.

It was nice to see my parents (around noon) and Niklas during the evening yesterday. We wish Niklas can return to spend Christmas with us. But he doesn't yet have his work schedule for Christmas time.

When I go to work tomorrow, I will see my schedule for the last week that I have agreement to work there. After that it's over. I'm dreading if they will talk to me about work ending or possible continuance. Both is worse. I have no idea what to do and how to handle this.

if I had a new job waiting, it would be so simple. I don't wanna lie. I don't wanna explain myself. I just wanna do my job and walk away. I just don't think that will be possible. My husband asked me what will I say if they ask. And I haven't a clue. If I'm tired and feel the unfairness I might let it all come out. Which is not good as they'll write my employment certificate, so it's like shooting myself in the foot. So I hope if the ask me anything I've had a better day and I'm able to be diplomatic and vague enough to walk away without wounds. I also think I have valuable information regarding lots of things, but I don't think they wanna hear it. So. There was this event that I was asked to do something that I felt was bit iffy and bordering eventually stealing, and I said that I won't do it because the people who were present at the time didn't agree what was the right procedure. I told this to the boss the next day. Told he what I did and why and what I refused to do and why. She said something like "damn" and walked away. That was the only comment I got. Not a good job, or good thinking, or you did the right thing. Nothing positive towards me. And this is not the only example I have. So her / they are not interested.

Ps, the picture is of a tile I saw in a hardware store tofay. It's quite beautiful as a separate tile, but I don't think I'd like using it in anything else than perhaps under my plate and a mug.