Worship?

"We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet."
Rita Rudner

Maud: I worship at your feet!

Pud: You lie!

Maud: I love you Pud. You - and specially your feet - are the best thing since sliced bread!

Pud: Whatever...

Maud: What must I do to demonstrate my aforementioned love? Chew your feet a bit more? A little teensy tiny bit?

PAUSE

Maud: I can chew your ears as well? I don't mind.

PAUSE

Maud: But I love your feet. They are your best bit. I'm going to chew them til they drop off!

LONG PAUSE

Pud: Get off my feet or I'm calling the RSPCA.

At work for a while today. Did I ever tell you I was a matron? For a matron I will be. That's what the person who looks after children who are in public performances are called. It has nothing to do with Kenneth Williams. Although whenever I hear the word, it is accompanied in my head with a Sid James laugh and the line Ooh Matron. Which is a unfortunate when you think about it.