Spring is in the air...

Rumi
Drum sounds rise on the air,
and with them, my heart.
A voice inside the beat says,
I know you are tired,
but come.
This is the way.

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Not much to say. Just dont really feel like touching the camera...I'm sure it will come back. Still have my good and bad days. Kenny's death has really hit me hard. I miss my friend so much. That's the worst part of it all...I am OK and have accepted his death, but I miss his voice...his face.

Josh out of Tucson called last night...simple sentence..."I miss my best friend". He had a rough night. I'm a little concerned about him - he hit the whiskey and emotions came flooding in. I mostly listened - anger is hitting him. Which is normal - he is so mad that he got robbed of his time w/ Kenny. We all did. He is mad that people at the funeral came up and asked who he was...you can't blame people, Kenny made new friends all the time. Josh is just really hurt and upset.

I did tell him what Kenny said about him to me - how he described him...that made him feel better, made him cry actually. He said it meant the world to him to hear it. Guys typically don't make it a point to tell each other that they love each other - but Josh wishes he had the chance to tell Kenny he loved him. They were best friends since they were kids, lived together for a few years, talked daily. He wishes he had a chance to say goodbye, he is pissed about that too. I mostly listened - he needed to vent.

Did a little venting myself. It really does help talking it out - sucks that we are not near each other, but we'll see. We really spent a lot of time talking back home - for some odd reason we both feel really comfortable talking to each other...hard to explain. I guess we were both very raw and emotional at the time...we all were. I miss having the support of my friends. I still have it - but nothing can subsitute touch...a hug or a shoulder to cry on.

Noah's mom showed me a video Friday...opened my eyes up to what I am going through. As a society - we have a horrible view on death. Since we are born - we are taught to fear death..."this will kill you"..."that will kill you". And the sadness - the grief...it has to do with us - the fact that we are (at that moment) so disconnected from ourselves. It is not a normal state for us to be in - so thats why are only there for a while.

Kenny is free - his soul is in perfect state right now...while the rest of us are still here trying to go w/ the flow and figure this life out. That really did make sense to me. Put a different spin on it. So I'm trying to work with that and let it guide me to getting back on track. Making progress...

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A year ago...music and art...and Anthem...one of my all time favorite songs.