Dunkerque?

Sorry lads, you're a bit off. 
See Howth in the distance over there? Yeah, well, rotate 80 degrees to the right and Dunkerque is in that direction. 614.699 km in a straight line, to be precise. 
Oh, and sorry to break the news to you, but you are 29,456 days late... 

But don't stop digging. The Coast Guards are expecting the first waves of Brexit refugees to hit our shores. You see, there is Blue Monday and there is post Brexit Covid Blue Monday in Bojoland and thousands are taking their chance, piling up on ragged inflatable dinghies in Holyhead and setting off on a perilous journey above schools of happy British fish. 

Keep digging lads. What for you say? Gatling guns? Are you nuts. No, you ignorant bellicose little bolloxies. For the Tea Stations. They'll need a cuppa when they get here. And a blanket. And a political refugee application form. 

We won't tell them straight away about our current level of Covid infection. It wouldn't be fair. After them paddling all the way across the Irish Sea. We'll break the news gently to them.