The odd one in

Friday morning. And the feeling of giddiness is palpable around the office. 

Actually, no. Hold on a second. It is not palpable at all. It is downright inexistent. How comes there is no banter today? And no sign of longer and more numerous gatherings around the coffee machine, and more effort put into looking sexy in "casual Friday" attire? 
How comes there is no laughter echoing around the Accounts Payable department? (ok, maybe not AP, but at least Marketing or Corporate Comm) 
Why are people not discussing the imminence of drinkie-dinkies in the nearby watering hole? Why does it not feel like Friday?! 

Because there is a pandemic ravaging the land, silly!

And Bernard is on his own in the office. All alone on the third floor. All alone in the building (except for the Romanian security guard on the ground floor, but he doesn't qualify as "someone else", does he?) 

All alone, because he has shite broadband in his overpriced one bedroom apartment in Ongar and he cannot work from home until Mukesh from Vodafone sorts it out, like he promised he would yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that, with a worrying lack of emergency in his mostly templated "live chat" sentences. 

Bernard is alone. In a big empty office. 

He hasn't had a shag since June 2020 (when restrictions were somehow relaxed, a bit) and Deirdre from IMS managed to knock back 5 G&Ts during their allotted 90 minutes-with-a-substantial-meal in the Barge pub. 

He wishes he had a Kalashnikov and could end it all. Not before going on rampage first though. Actually, one quick look at the neighbouring office blocks and he realises that they are empty as well, except for the odd sexually frustrated fucker with a faulty modem or shite internet connection.

It wouldn't be much of a rampage...