Don’t sit there

Don’t sit there for long or you’ll be covered in ivy, never to be seen again. The bench is opposite the church and hasn’t been sat on during the pandemic.  I had to go to the Post Office to post yet another ‘signed for’ letter to Virgin to cancel our contract. We’ve sent it to 3 different addresses now with no response. They are totally uncontactable by any means. Carrier pigeon next? The man at the back keeps pigeons.