Read off the chart.

I always have to go nearer than the client as I struggle to see it some times. It’s a routine test but always provokes comedy involving left and right mix ups.
One afternoon:-
Me ‘Read off the chart’
Patient:- ‘nope’
Me:- ‘Nope what?’
Patient:- ‘Can’t see anything’
Me:- ‘Try the other eye’
Pause, patient:- ‘Nope that’s no good either’
Me ‘How did you get here ?’
Patient:- ‘In the car’
Me:- ‘Give me the keys’