Table Talkers

My Dear Princess, Loulou and Fellows,

We both worked from home today. But Caro was busy for most of it.

She had a webinar all morning. And, really, is there any word in the English language that makes you feel more like you have stood in a mental turd, than "webinar"?

If it weren't for the fact that you can browse your Twitter feed while these things drone on, it would be enough to make me stab myself in the eyeball.

So I felt sorry for her. But not too sorry, because I had an online meeting too. It was with Gromit, and today we were discussing birds to put on the "table talker". 

The table talker is a Gromit passion. "It will go on everyone's desk to say, 'Hey guys, this is coming... it's going to be awesome... you'll love it'," she explained to me and to Change Management Lady. 

She has multiple designs in mind. The flyer could fold up, origami-like into a pyramid, a tower, a fan... So today's meeting was theoretically to decide what we wanted to put on these things, in terms of the messaging and also the bird picture to go on the back. 

Gromit had decided she wanted a bird so that its wings and tail would open up when you open the flyer. "It will look like it's FLYING!" she said, with zeal. 

I had a hard time narrowing down the bird list. We had all come to this meeting with THREE SHORTLISTED BIRDS and then we'd choose.  

It worked well - at first. We narrowed our choice to three birds: a tui, a native kingfisher and a little bird called a tom-tit.

"I'm not sure about that one," mused Gromit. "It mean. It's got 'tit' in it. It might be a bit controversial."

She pondered. She REALLY liked this bird. "Oh he's SOOOOO CUTE!!!" she said. She was so excited that her boyfriend came into the online meeting to see if she'd hurt herself. 

"Look! Look!" she said to her boyfriend, "It's a TOM TIT! Isn't he ADORABLE?!??"

Gromit was, however, still torn. Because of the tit aspect. Finally, she exploded. "Oh f*** it!" she said. "The bird world is FULL of COCKS! Of course we can have a tit!"

"Are you going to SAY that in the steering group meeting?" I asked. But she had already moved on. 

This meeting was supposed to decide our ONE bird. But Gromit decided she wanted them all. 

"I'm sure marketing can do three different flyers," she mused. "Oh and maybe we have a fourth, that the rest of the team chooses. Oh. Oh. And we can have a COMPETITION! With PRIZES!" she beamed.

So. Okay. FOUR birds.

"And... and... a sea-creature, like an orca or a dolphin... So we have to have a land-creature too! And a butterfly!" 

I wasn't sure how many different flyers we were having by the end of this meeting. Not that I minded. Gromit's enthusiasm is infectious and it was fun. 

"I KNOW, RIGHT?!" said Gromit. "These meetings are SO MUCH FUN!!! You should tell Caro. She won't even believe it! She'll think that your project manager is IMAGINARY!!"

And then Jasper broke into the meeting with a meow. "OH MY GOD!! OH MY GODDDD!!" squealed Gromit. This brought her boyfriend back again. 

"SYMON HAS A CATTTTTTT!!! OH MY GODDDDDD!!!"

I went back to the living room where Caro's webinar was still ongoing. She looked like she wanted to stab herself in the eyeballs. 

I'm still debating whether to tell her about my meeting or not. She'll swear at me, I know. 

S.