Marlborough Country

My Dear Princess, Loulou and Fellows,

Today we flew down to the very pretty town of Blenheim in the region of Marlborough (top of the South Island) where the wine comes from. 

It was a beautiful summer day and Blenheim is really lovely. See the extras for some pictures, which includes one of the best-named streets I've ever come across. 

We were there for Kath's 50th birthday. None of you know Kath. But back in the late 90's/early 2000's Kath and Dave were part of the G-Man and OrkneyCaro circle. You know, I'm not sure how. It just occurs to me now. They are both Kiwis so I assume that G-Man introduced them to the group. 

Anyway, we had a few wild nights out with them in Edinburgh. They are both very much party people. Kath is a down-home Kiwi girl and Dave is like a mischievous grown-up teenager. Even nowadays. But they are also very much Kiwis and returned to New Zealand in 2003, to start their own dairy farm. 

I think that went badly. I seem to recall hearing tales of early mornings and strained relationships and they gave it up. Kath works as a teacher in Blenheim now, and also gives wine tours. Dave is an all-round good bloke, a free diver who can descend to ridiculous lengths and hold his breath for inordinate amounts of time. He's a spear-fisherman as well.

I can't actually recall what he does for a living. I was probably worn out by all the diving talk. 

Dave and Kath hooked up in Edinburgh. He's about ten years younger than her, but you wouldn't know it. She's a mass of energy and hard-drinking fun.

They are also the most welcoming people we know. We had literally only been out and about with them less than half a dozen times in Scotland but every time we see them it is like a family reunion. They were DEEEEE-LIGHTED to see us today. 

"YOU! I'VE BEEN WANTING TO GIVE YOU A GREAT BIG HUG AND A KISS ALL EVENING!" said Kath. 

She had already GIVEN me a great big hug and a kiss. But I have this effect on women, you know. 

Or she was pissed, and had forgotten. 

Either way, I felt quite overwhelmed. 

This was at a pub in Blenheim rented for the occasion. It was a lovely evening actually. The place had a roaring fire outside and nibbles circulating. There was also a strange game I'd never seen before. 

Basically, there was a wooden post with a hook on it. And then hanging on a length of string from the ceiling about a metre or so away, a ring. 

So, you're supposed to swing the ring* accurately enough, and with enough power to hook the hook. 

It is perfect for mildly drunk people with one hand free. Me and Caro and Kath's friend Clodagh and her sister Tess were trying it all night. Caro was scarily accurate and kept HITTING the hook - but not with enough power to lock on to it. 

Dave gave a great speech which included the phrase - I am not kidding - "Aw well, happy ****ing birthday". And also he said he wished he had known Kath for longer because 22 years just wasn't enough. Then he added, "Mind you, if I'd met you any earlier, I would've been underage."

Then their son Cam, gave HIS speech, which started, "I've known Kath for... ooh it must be seventeen years now..."

Yes, he's their son, all right. 

BUT. Excitingly! There was a SQUEAL from Tess! She had hooked the ring! But none of of us saw her do it! We gave her a polite ripple of applause though. 

I mean. We'd all been trying to do this for about three hours at this point. 

Clodagh said, "Oh, I'll give it one last go then." And got up and SWUNG and hooked it on the first go!

The crowd went WILD! There were WHOOPS! And rapturous applause!

Tess's face was a picture. 

"I did it FIRST. F***ing younger sisters."

Afterward we went back to Kath and Dave's house for the "after party". This is where things got messy and Dave threatened to get naked. We have known him long enough to know this is not an idle threat. And his mates went through some of the "Best of Dave" drunken tales. 

Such as:

- The time he dressed up in Springboks strip at an All-Blacks match for a bet, and he got pelted with beer cans.** 
- The time he stripped one of his friends naked at a stag night, covered his meat and two veg with half a grapefruit and cling-filmed it into place. "Aw yeah. That got a bit unintentionally intimate," Dave admitted.
- The time he and Darryl ended up wrestling in their knickers
- The time he was dared to lower his naked undercarriage onto a metal deck at Mitre 10 at eleven PM in the evening in the middle of freezing winter. "I tried to stand up again, but they were still attached. It was a nightmare," he confessed. 

So you can see. Quite a lot of naked Dave involved in those tales. 

Fortunately, the breeks stayed ON tonight. We left there at 2:30am and collapsed into our beds. 

There were promises of return visits to Kapiti. I hope it happens. But there will be NO grapefruit in the house that weekend. 

S. 

* Go on. Get it out of your system.

** It turns out the All-Blacks won the match and Dave made LOADS of new friends with magnanimous Kiwis buying him commiseration drinks. "Bloody jammy bastard," grumbled his mates.