Breakfast... And Other Feelings.

Today I had breakfast with Annie.
Sainsbury's cafe. Just us two.
We talked and we ate and I gave her my yolk. And hash brown... and tomato.

Been a bit up and down emotionally. Think I'm ill.
I was happy, getting ready for choir. My lift didn't turn up till past the time choir's supposed to start, but that didn't matter... choir never starts on time.
I got a text from a friend, and that made me sad. It brought on the feelings of wishing I could fix life. Feelings I had quite a bit recently... brought on by the fact that a lot of the most beautiful/amazing people around me are suffering, some in small ways, some in big.
Then I was confused.
I didn't want to go to choir. But then when I got a text from a friend I haven't seen in weeks I did.
Then I didn't. Then when my lift arrived, and I said hello, I did.
Then I didn't.
Then I arrived, and a friend waved crazily at me from across the room, and I wanted to be there.
We learnt more of the song that I sang a verse of on my own. I could feel myself cringing, even though I wasn't singing alone.
I had fun. But then I didn't.
I enjoyed myself. But afterwards, I wasn't happy.
I was happy when I gave a friend a hug, and discovered we both knew the alphabet in sign language. When she made faces at me from the altos.
When a friend made me laugh, trying to keep a straight face and concentrate, and not come across as mean whilst a woman nearby sang in monotone. Most likely tone deaf.
I laughed with and at other friends, who brought a smile to my face.
When I left I was confusingly not happy. And unsatisfied.
And that didn't leave me.