Emptiness....

Sometimes the visits from Lou, outdoors, appear to be great but leave you feeling unfulfilled and empty.... 

I got up just before 7am, and I always appreciate the sunshine and the peace of the early morning. I did all my chores, and headed to mum's. I had my jab yesterday, but luckily my only symptom is a sore/stiff arm, which reminds me of all my shoulder trouble, namely the repercussion of a steroid injection! Thankful that's all I got, my mum wasn't that great after hers last week. 

I felt ok, until I messaged K and in between making our plans for the weekend/next weekend (ie; walking or a WhatsApp call!) he told me he was probably moving back to Greece in a few months time. Hmmm. Immediately I felt really sad, and like I'd have to start all over again, which I don't want to. I'm not surprised- by the time I'm beginning to trust somebody, it's usually too late. But I'm surprised how much it upset me, although I guess it would only be worse down the road. I guess we'll just have to see what happens.

I tried to carry on with all the bloody college work I have to do, but the day disappeared as I couldn't concentrate and just felt really low. Then Lucy came, which is usually nice, but today it just wasn't. She was pleased to see us- my dad saw the wind and decided to get the kite out, which my sister didn't really want. Lucy enjoyed it, running up and down and talking about how it was going so high up. I went out into the street too, and trailed around after her, mostly trying to make sure she didn't get hit in the face by the kite! 

My sister stood at the door and grumbled/groused/moaned like she usually does..... No chatter about anyone else but herself. Oh, and she dropped off gifts for my mum for Mother's Day tomorrow, and I immediately clocked why- they'll be going to have a nice time with the in-laws instead. But nobody ever says anything.

Even though Lou was happy and wanted to cuddle, hold hand etc. (she was allowed to hug my legs) it made me sad at the same time. Especially when near the end Lucy was allowed to sit on my mum's lap outside, but then my sister started getting antsy and saying "too close, too close!". So tiring. 

I think I'm tired of giving to Lucy and Shelle tapping all my energy/not appreciating any of us. She makes me feel worse about myself. I love Lucy and I enjoy spending time with her, but sometimes it feels like it's never enough. 

Anyways, coupled with K's announcement, it just left me in need of a good cry to get it all out of my system. 

I was looking forward to the weekend, but I feel I've had a bit of a wasted day and it'll be back to the working week before I know it :-/