Mother's Day

I don’t know why, but I always check the news when I first wake up.

It’s stupid isn’t it? Despite the overwhelming amount of “good stuff” going on in the world it rarely makes the news, because as we know: it’s the bad stuff which holds the public interest in the 24 hours news cycle. 

For those overseas readers of this blip, the story dominating the UK news at present is that of a woman; Sarah Everard, who was murdered whilst walking home. 

The very phrasing of the sentence above is now part of a much wider conversation, because this didn’t just happen “to her”. A man took it upon himself to murder her. 

So it was with great sadness that I read and watched the coverage of the “policing” of the Sarah Everard vigil. Yes, I get the Covid-related law stuff, I really do, but sometimes, just sometimes there’s something bigger going on and maybe instead of trying to quash that thing, it is better to let it play through? 

Maybe then the discourse stays on the matter in hand: every day sexism and the fact that because of the actions of men (yawn, yes chaps, not all of us, but the fact that it’s still some or even one of us, is too many, and kind of the point) women still need to be wary and/or afraid of walking home alone at night. Instead, the focus of the conversation has turned to how spectacularly badly an intended peaceful vigil has been policed, calls for resignations, politics, blah blah blah.

I detest the ‘woke’ label, but through a feminist ex-wife and my eldest daughter, who is now of an age where she is alive to the many injustices in the world and in particular the aforementioned everyday sexism, I have at least been brought out from the shroud of my male privilege comfort blanket of ignorance to become more aware of the impact of my gender on the world around us.

My daughter and I had a conversation recently about the meaning of ‘white privilege’ and I explained to her that it was stepping out of your door in the morning and not having to be conscious or worry about how the colour of your skin may shift perceptions of your actions.

Male privilege is similar. I can step out of my door in the morning safe in the knowledge that I am a man and I don’t have to worry too much about how my actions may be perceived. Oh, and if you are a white male?! Woah! Then, congratulations fella! You’ve got it made in the shade! The power is with you! You don’t need to worry about a thing!

Except you do. Because as the old, great comic book adage goes: with great power comes great responsibility. Where to start though? How can us men, the great ignorami do better? 

My daughter re-posted a 60-point list of where men could do better in their treatment of women, which I won’t re-post here, but thought I would try and boil down to a few key points as a place to start from: 

1. Educate yourself better with regards to the impact you have on the world and how you are perceived by others. No matter how nice or good a person you may think you are, you may find yourself surprised, shocked and appalled.
2. Repeat 1. Once you’ve done that and have a greater awareness of those negative behaviours, make the necessary adjustments and call them out where you see them in others.
3. Be respectful.
4. Be kind.
5. Don’t be a d*ck. 

The final point could also easily be the first and/or attach to all the others. However, I think if we start with this five-point plan, we’ve at least got something to build on.

Heavy topic for Mother’s Day, I know, but in another sense, maybe it is the perfect point at which for men to take a look at ourselves and ask if we are/are becoming the men our mother’s would want us to be?

My mum may have set the bar a little high (that’s a superman t-shirt I’m wearing there), but hey, it’s something to work towards!

Happy Mother’s Day.

Stay healthy. Stay safe.