Blah Blah Spring

Sometimes it's hard to admit this is the best you can give right now. You want to accomplish something each day you can feel proud of, or that someone will admire, but you just know that's not going to happen. You are surrounded by the accomplishments of other people and they seem so much brighter and more worthy than anything you could muster. Offering up your little crumb of achievement feels embarrassing and shameful, almost like a moral failing. Really, you should have done better. If you were more talented or hard working things would be different, but as it is there can't possibly be anything of value in your contribution. If this is the best you've got, it's better to do nothing and just go away. I feel a bit like this about my photo today. I'm disappointed with it and don't think it's much to look at. But when I decided to post a photo each day I wanted the result to reflect my lived experience over the course of a year, and maybe some days are just not that interesting to look at. There was a time I might have quit right now rather than face the drabness of my life as reflected in this useless picture. But I think I've gotten to the point where I'm more willing to accept that a muddy little culvert behind a fence in a parking lot still has some value. When I get out of my car at work each day there it is, and today there was a song sparrow in the cattails singing. You can't see it, but it sounded like spring and for a brief moment made me happy. Sure looks dull, but I'll take what I get and try again tomorrow.