I'll get it right on Kiltwalk Day . . . Hopefully

I'm not a morning person so today was one of those days I absolutely dread and as I had to set my alarm for 05:45 and it was now 00:30, I was dreading it even further.

So when my alarm went off my duvet, as usual, was holding me hostage to the warmth of my bed. I was not a happy Kiltwalkre I can tell you!!

I couldn't figure out why I had tortured myself like this, as my meeting in Nottingham didn't start until the afternoon. So I could easilyhave left home at 08:00 and still made it in plenty of time!!

The day then got worse as my flight departure was delayed for over an hour due to fog at East Midlands airport and I was left thinking "do I ever get it right?"

Take the other week. My task, was simple, all I had to do was climb into the loft and wiggle the aerial so that the only TV in the house that doesn't work off Sky, worked. So up I climbed, sorted the problem but on the way down I stood on one of our "sunken light fittings" outcome? Well it's not sunken anymore.

Not only is it not sunken, it ripped the plaster off the roof at the same time, so that's something else I'll create havoc with in my attempt to fix it.

However there is something to look forward to as one thing I will get right this year is "finishing the Hampden to Loch Lomond Kiltwalk" and partying at the end like I've never done before, literally.

This revelation came to me when I met up with the fine gang of Kiltwalkers shown in today's Blipfoto picture.

So what was that revelation? It's simple, don't walk with your mates, walk with some lassies, any lassies.

"What are you waffling on about Ian?" I hear you say.

Well it's easy really. Previously I've walked with my mates which always goes something like this.

We gather at Hampden and talk about how fast we're going to walk and how many pints we're going to have at the end, before heading home on the last bus.

As we step out the tunnel we're talking about fitba' and discussing the previous days results and argue, until we hit the Clyde, about whether the ref was right to award the penalty, should the defender should have been sent off and then talk about what we would have done as manager to change things and win the day.

After that it's "did you see the Telly last night, that program was rubbish" or "did you see the bedroom seen?" which then leads onto the final topic of conversation "sex". This can range from tall tales about one's sexual prowess, when in reality you went home early, alone. To stories of how many women at your work fancy you and how you're not going to be able to fight them 'all' off for much longer.

If we're lucky we've reached the SECC and then we have absolutely nothing left to talk about, so silence sets in and by silence I mean long periods of silence.

By the time we hit Yoker, which is the first pit stop, half decide they need to stop for a rest while the rest say "naw, we're not stopping, see you later", so the 'supporting' each other to the bitter end has gone after 8 miles.

This leaves 18 miles ahead of us and conversation resorts to "my feet are sore" or "how long tae go" and the classic "these signs can't be right, can they?"

All guys are now thinking about is the pain they're in and the distance they still have to go and of course concentrating on pain, emphasizes how much pain you're actually in and by the time we cross the finishing line, none of us are together.

This pain and weakness has meant that on all the years we've walked this as 'mates,' we've never even managed a single pint as we need to go home, now!! And my fellow male Kiltwalkers is exactly why you should walk with lassies.

Lassies, as I found out on Sunday, don't go out to walk 10 miles or 26 miles, they meet up with their pals and simply go for a wee walk to 'catch up' on the week that's just been and the week ahead. They just talk and talk and talk and talk, about anything and everything.

I witnessed this first hand and even joined in with the talking, when I was allowed that was and before I knew it I was back at the Waterside, agreeing with the lassies that we'd had a nice wee walk.

So that is my plan for 21st April. I'll walk with my mates until the three topics of conversation have been exhausted and as they stretch out in front of me I'm going to find some 'lassies' to tag along with, to get me through the rest of the 26 miles.

If you see me, I'm basically an old grey hair and nae haired guy who is rounder this year than last, so please be kind to me as I'll be needing your help.