Shearly Knot.....

'Hello, Mrs Sheep....that's an impressive amount of wool you're wearing.'

'Well it's lockdown, innit love. I haven't been able to get near my fleecedresser for months! Not that I mind really....all he ever asks is where I'm going on holiday this year. I mean, that's ridiculous. Everyone knows we only ever go to Ramsgate or Woolwich!'

'Quite. Anyway, I'm very pleased to see that you're wearing a mask. It's beautiful.'

'Thank you. I get them off the web.'

'What? You use the internet?'

'No idea what you're talking about. I told you, I get them straight off the web..... made especially for me, by my friend Deryck. He's a spider; lives in the hedge at the back of the field and spins masks faster than you can say 'Do your flies up love, I'm not that kind of girl'. He does me a deal - two bespoke masks for the price of three.'

'I'm no mathematician, but shouldn't it be three for the price of two?'

'I dunno really -  it's very difficult trying to convert turnips into any other form of currency. Deryck does the addition on his toes, and quite honestly, when you've got eight legs, it all gets a bit complicated.'

'Clearly he's an artist. Can he spin them in any other colours apart from black?'

'Oh yes, I've got loads of different ones, but we're in mourning at the moment, so we're wearing black as a mark of respect.'

'I'm so sorry. Who died?'

'Well I didn't know him personally, but I believe it was a very important chicken down south. The queen's chicken!'

'The queen had a chicken?'

'Well of course she did..........the Chook of Edinburgh!'