Things that I have learned

Gather round, children, and let me share some of my hard-won knowledge. Closer, my old voice isn't as strong as it once was...

Chopped-up tiger's whiskers in his food will kill a man by perforating his stomach.

A Swan may well be capable of breaking a man's arm, but he won't.

Nothing is creepier than a musical box.

Except clowns.

The most annoying thing in the world is putting on a duvet's cover.

No. Actually, the most annoying thing in the world is when you needlessly end up having to do something twice. And can't blame anyone but yourself.

So, the absolutely most annoying thing in the world is when you accidentally put the dirty cover back on a duvet.

I hope that this knowledge will serve you well.