Sunday

It stared at me and I stared at it for ages.

A lazy dazed morning after little sleep. The sleeping tablets are starting to not work like they did.

Hospital visit at 2pm which I blubbed my way through. More of the same chat, distract, plan, mindfulness, grounding. I am struggling not to dissociate as I can't stop myself as I don't feel myself going into it. Only a few more visits then I'll get discharged,  then what? I don't know. I don't even have therapy anymore.

After they left, I took a mug of tea to the harbour and stared at the seagull.

I got an invite to Steven's for tea. I declined. I would love to see the boys but I know I wouldn't cope. Upset about that too.
All I'm doing just now is crying and being confused and zoned out.