What’s this?

I know what the plant is: it’s my fern.

I know what the regularly arranged brown spots on the underside of this leaf are: they’re spores, and they’re meant to be there.

I don’t know what the scattered black dots are. The internet suggests sooty mould, which lives on sticky ick from plant-pest insects. Some of the tops of the leaves are sticky. The black dots brush off with Mr Pandammonium’s finger. The extra shows a closer-up photo. The dots seem to be vaguely tear-drop shaped.

My questions to you, please, knowledgeable blipper, are what is wrong with my fern and how do I fix it?

If I can’t fix it, it will go the way of my beloved pineapple plant, which is also what happened to my poor orchid in the end.

Update: its passport has arrived.

What a game. Denmark played really well, but England won 2–1 in extra time thanks to a controversial penalty decision.

Now all we have to do is beat Italy in the final at Wembley. It might well be coming home :)