Bork bork nom nom.........

In frenzied anticipation of the AOG the security forces are on full alert. Following the demise of Senor Duckee Kwack and his friends from the Colombian drug team the Japanese have requested help from the Kentucky K9 patrol units. ‘Murrika has come up Trumps, if you don’t mind the pun, and sent several of it’s finest drug dogs. This is Ruff, a nasty biter, his friend and handler Sgt Buffy Boots told our interviewer, Shandy Topps, about another member of their team. 

“Well Shandy…..y’all don’t mind if I call you Shandy d’ya, got your driving licence, insurance and registration…doh, old habits die hard, sorry about that m’am. Well as I was about to explain, our dogs have been redesignated as drug and locate animals. They are now officially known in the deeeepartment as Fur Missiles or when they are on the scent, and I must say yours is particularly effervescent, thur I go again, well anyways, when they are after a scum bag, I mean crimnul, they become Bork bork nom noms! That’s the sound they make while running then when they start chewing. Gotta luuurvve a dog that enjoys a good snarl on a leg, fact is my dog Shandy bit a guy’s butt cheeks and now has quite a taste for butt, rather like myself……darn, done it again.”

“Thank you Sgt Boots, now please, you’re drooling, lap it up and hands off. Ladies and gentlemen, here is Search dog “Gatorade” locating a stash. The baggy of cocaine was found on a member of the public, named locally as Juan, who tried to access the athlete’s village. Juan claims he is from Norway, hard to believe I know but we must be open and naive about these misdemeanours, unlike Gatorade who nearly completed a vasectomy on Juan as he hid the baggy down near his own baggy.”

“More news from the hospital as we get it, Juan may enter the 400m hurdles as a transgender ladyboy, using Juanita as a pseudonym.”