The Words That We Don't Say

My Dear Princess and Dear Friends,

I had a lovely day today, and came home feeling all glowy and nice. 

As you can see from today's extra picture, I was very busy today.

No really, I actually was. Today's extra was taken over a 30 minute lunch break, during which time I showed Ellie, Shenée and Corrie how to play "Midnight Party".

Auslaender, you will be happy to hear that I still deliver your monologue about Hugo. These days I choose to enhance it by shining a torch under my chin. But it always starts, "You have been invited to a party... a MIDNIGHT party..." just as you showed us back in the day at Elgin Terrace.

The three of them had great fun. It is amazing to me how much fun even sober adults can have playing Midnight Party. In this picture you can see the three of them getting into the spirit of the thing, and I love how Corrie is being spooky, even while tucking into her fruit salad. 

But something strange happened afterward. Ellie came to tell me how much that little bit of blowing steam had helped her during a stressful day. 

"Really? You're STRESSED?" I asked her. 

Ellie is a ray of sunshine. She is always so funny and so energetic. It never even occurred to me that she might be anxious. But it turns out that she is. "Oh honey, you have no idea," she said.

I felt a need to tell her how much I appreciated her. She is amazing at work - I've mentioned this before. But I also just really like her. She is one of those people you can't HELP but like. She always leaves me with a smile. 

This was the third such conversation I've had recently. Both Shenée and Fazzy can also be surprisingly down on themselves. In conversation with Fazzy, I was so taken aback by how modest she is, that I just blurted out how much her friendship means to me. 

I thought she knew. It never occurred to me that all the wonderful people I know don't know how wonderful they are. I mean. They must know. Right?

I know I'm insecure. All the same, it surprises me that Fazzy, Shenée and Ellie can also have self-doubt. Why on earth? Haven't they met themselves?

It occurred to me that it was my lack of appreciation of the inner demons of other people that had stopped me from telling them what I had thought was obvious. 

Also, I am English, and sometimes it is just EMBARRASSING telling people how much they mean to you.

And then I thought of the lyric by Elvis Costello:

It's the damage that we do and never know,
It's the words that we don't say that scare me so

So maybe my blurting to Fazzy was a good thing. Maybe it helped her. I don't know. She may not have believed me. All the same, I have resolved to say what is on my mind a little more.

To reinforce this, Shenée received a message from her manager today. It appears that, in a leadership meeting, the Head Honcho I collared two weeks ago announced that Shenée's team should be held up as a great example of how successful projects should be run.

"This is HUGE," said Shenée. She was GLOWING. 

I could tell it meant a lot to her. She has put up with so much criticism and so much resistance - including from me in the early days. I hope this is the turning point for her. She deserves recognition for what she has achieved. She deserves appreciation for what she's accomplished.

And I'm glad I've been open with her about how much working for her has changed my outlook, and my happiness levels. I hope it helped her, when she was feeling low. 

On my way home on the train, another lyric popped into my head. It is a song about the civil rights movement and so it seems very cheeky for me to steal it for my own use. 

All the same, it made me think about changing my ways a little, on my way home tonight.

I wish I could share
All the love that's in my heart
Remove all the bars
That keep us apart

S.