A life on the ocean wave!

Oh My god! I am such a land lubber! I chose the hottest day of the year to be persuaded by Captain Pugelsy to go out on the White elifunk! "It's calm" he said, "what can go wrong" he said " you will enjoy it" he said
I'm never listening to him again! 
Yes it was calm but that didn't make it any easier when the bloody dingy rocked everytime I breathed! and I was waaay to close to the wet water! Getting on board was another task . Stepping up from the bath sized dingy thingy to a higher up boat is fine if you have long legs...not if your'e legs are the size of the average ruler.
Yes I admit the sail down the loch and round these bhoy things was grand but on the way back "just grab the rope" he said! How could I grab anything when the engine cut out and the bloody boat was heading towards the bath sized dingy at 7o miles an hour (ok slight exaggeration, but it was still fast) BANg , we rammed the bath tub and sent it flying like a skittle down Loch Fyne. "I told you to grab the rope" he snarled. " at the speed you were going I wasnt grabbing any bloody thing let alone a rope" "go round again" I said. I could feel the folks at the boatyard watching thinking this is the best laugh they have had all week.
Eventually I grabbed the dingy but did the damn thing no keep on going..... I could feel my body stretching, 2 feet, 3 feet, my mind was going like a submarine echo finder. Eventually I managed do haul the frigging thing to the side and I lay on the boat floor like a flapping fish freshly caught gasping for breath.

Next time, he can go alone!