Red October....

There I was, innocently taking a photo of a chestnut tree, when I became aware of a big woman standing slightly too near me.

I pulled my earbuds out (just at a good bit of the book I'm listening to) and looked at her enquiringly.

"I hev vaccination!'' she announced, in a heavy Russian accent (think Rosa Klebb crossed with Putin).

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say, so I just smiled vaguely.

"You want take peecture of my puppies?"

I was slightly alarmed that this was a euphemism and began backing off into a holly bush, when a small child appeared with two tiny dachshunds.

"Take peecture of puppies," the mother demanded, in what I thought was a decidedly threatening fashion.

I was beginning to think that she was a Russian spy and the dogs/photo chat was some sort of code, but I took a quick snap of one of the puppies and asked if she wanted me to send it to her.

She looked at me as though I was insane.

"Why would I want peecture of puppy when I hev puppy?" she asked, and flounced off, presumably looking for the real MI5 agent.

I've no idea what it was all about, but I'm almost sure I've just joined SMERSH by accident...