Pre-Apocalypso Mid- Quandary

This is SOOC, as blippers who know what they're doing say, with only a little shaved off the bottom. These colours came out exactly the way I saw them. Within minutes great, fat flakes of snow were falling and the sky turned every shade of red and pink. I've never seen anything like it in my life. It was magnificent to experience, had me laughing out loud, risking my life in the middle of the intersection on the main street.

My entire nervous system is over-excited because I went to see another flat today. It is literally next door to here but on the top floor (I'm currently on the ground floor) with relatively open views to the hills and THE SEA - neither of which I can see from here.

I am SO torn. I've already tried listing the pros and cons of each. Basically it comes down to security VS excitement to let my gaze roam out over the hills and sea at least a bit. The view is not exactly unobstructed but it's a lot less obstructed than here. Head VS heart.

I've talked it through but am no closer to an answer. You know that feeling you get when life/God is really toying with you? These alternatives feel so equally weighted. At the very moment when I'm revisiting choices I made earlier in my life, and the way I made them.

The cumulative result of all those choices is that I find myself in the uncertainties of the rental market at an age when security and an angel of a landlord have a certain appeal. Compared to the heart leap at the sight of the silvery sea, from the possible new bedroom and sitting-room, and the idea of this golden light flooding into a big dining kitchen where I would be eating my dinner each evening - well, safety feels a little deadly.

Alcohol warning: I have purchased four cans of Cidre to help me stop obsessing as if I could figure it out tonight, and to help me develop a Que Sera Sera attitude. I seldom drink, but when I do I'm a happy drunk. My biggest fault being that I find even people I can't stand when sober, adorable when I'm drunk. I apologise in advance for any slobbering comments that may show up. This is me on half a can (cheap date). three and a half to go. What was that song again? Oh yes - formative influence.