Serious pruning, I may be next.

I found the Garden Fairy dead heading her Absolutely Fabulous roses this morning. As she looked Absolutely Fabulous in the sun I decided she was my Blip. 

Following on from yesterday’s Blip…….
Having decimated our “enemy,” ruined Brian’s new jacket and being a tad frazzled we all climbed into the luxury four tonners that Nature and the MOD had bestowed upon us. The Sun was about 2 hours from popping over the horizon. My mates took my rifle and equipment and I was dropped off just outside our little block of flats. 

I used the lift, opened our flat door and quietly removed my boots. Instead of going straight into the bathroom I did something very stupid but I thought absolutely hilarious. I was still in combats and my face and hands were still coated with cam-cream. Not a pleasant sight but to the sleeping blonde in our bedroom that didn’t matter, until I leaned over her and whispered, “Good morning gorgeous!” Her eyes flew open and she went into shock mode. By now her eyes were wide open and so was her mouth, except not one solitary peep came out; she was frozen in terror. If you are laughing then you are a bad person, mwahahahahahah. 

I had to calm her down, reassure her I was on her side and meant no harm, then a torrent of abuse was aimed at me. It mattered not that I was in hysterics, so was she, but a very different form of hysteria. Men often laugh off women’s claims to being absolutely frozen in fear and unable to scream when attacked. Well it’s true. I’m lucky to be alive to recount this moment of madness. Later in the shower, cleansed and human again I did consider going to sleep in the lounge for an hour, as I had to go back into work to clean my weapon and kit, but that would have given her the opportunity to knife me. Early bus for me.

The Garden Fairy knows that it is still dangerous to wake me by shaking my shoulder. Just touch my foot and stand back. I still worry she will get her revenge. 

Part three tomorrow……if you are of a nervous disposition look away now.