Hoglet!!

Hedgehog back in the garden and we’ll spotted by Woody. Night time garden trips on the lead for now.

Midnight insomnia edit: probably because I need to dwell in my sorrow. I can’t tell you how hard and miserable the past few months have been. Obviously I have pockets of lovelyness where I am so grateful: my amazing children, family, colleagues and job. Blessed Norfolk!

However there is a constant pit in my stomach. Mum is going through chemo, again. She is mentally struggling at lot and my dad is holding it together alone in London. I can’t be there, I can’t help, I can’t fix it.

I have lost two close friendships, and potentially a third by association, in the past two months. I’m so very lonely. One friend returned to Australia. One is our neighbour who we are in a ‘dispute’ with over windows and walls and boundaries: 4.5 inches! Not important, it’s all petty in the grand scheme, but home is my sanctuary, we worked so hard to have this house. I feel bullied and imposed on in my own home. We have been treated like obstacles not friends. I want to move from my dream house because I feel so desperately sad about where this has ended up: can it ever be rebuilt? And the third is D, whom likely does not want to take sides (or has) and is therefore distancing herself.

I’m shit at making friends, I don’t know where to start at 44! I know this will pass, move on and new people will come my way, but being in the middle of the shittest year so far (and last year sucked) it so hard. I don’t sleep or eat properly, I cry and I mope: it’s not like me, I’m out of sorts….