The week in Tory  FT ( with apologies to Russ Jones.

1. On Sunday I got a call from Paw. My folks had set off for a week in Tory Orkney
2. They planned to get the last ferry from Gills Bay on Sunday evening 
3. They were ahead of schedule so decided to stop at one of Caithness' neolithic sites...the Hill O Many Stanes. 
4. For those of you haven't visited the Hill o Many Stanes, its  many stanes on a hill (its actually worth a look, next time you're half an hour ahead of schedule when racing for the last ferry)
5. Maw conspired to slip on the muddy grass and break her ankle in 3 places.
6. Paw phoned  for an ambulance and 20 minutes later it duly arrived.
7. However there's a kissing gate, and whilst the arrival was prompt,  logistical difficulties meant it was 90 minutes before Maw was heading north to hospital in Wick.
8. She was admitted, and Paw checked into Mackays Hotel for the night.
9. Whilst Wick has A and E, it doesn't have orthopaedics and the consensus was an operation was required.
10. On Monday they decided that Forth Valley Hospital (Maw's local hospital) would have a bed by Saturday ("hopefully")
11. There ensued discussions about Paw driving Maw down the road.
12. No discussion or explanation how a 79 year old man was meant to care for the needs of an 80 year old woman on crutches on a 300 mile journey....
13. Monday saw Paw lose his mind in Wick; once he'd visited Tesco and The Old Pulteney distillery he'd exhausted all Wick's tourist attractions *
*ok not all, but you get the idea
14. Tuesday mirrored Monday, expect the old man headed for Thurso for light relief. And a bacon roll at Scrabster. 
15. On Wednesday the old man threatened to go to Orkney.  In the end, he drove home.
16. On Thursday Maw tested positive for Covid.
17. IKR?
18. Paw tested negative. 
19. Despite being Covid positive,  Maw was shipped off in an ambulance at 2230 on Friday, bound for Raigmore Hospital in Inverness.
20. At 0215, Maw was admitted to Raigmore.
21. At 1100 on Saturday, Maw was on her travels again. Another ambulance south to  Forth Valley.
22. As Maw was heading south, my older bruv Chris ( and his dogs Lottie and Ruby) headed up the M9 to take supplies/ offer support etc to Paw.
23. Somewhere around Grangemouth, my phone rang. It was on the back seat of the car, and it went to voicemail before I could answer it.
24. I saw it was Paw who'd phoned, so I called him back; but it was engaged.
25. I listened to voicemail Paw had left. "I've just tested myself and I'm positive for Covid"
26. Chris' wife phoned. Paw had phoned her, looking for Chris. So we got the good news again.
27. 17 minutes with my SIL on the phone later, we managed to call the old man.
28. We figured at least we should go ( we were an hour or more into an hour and 45 minute journey, we were practically there,)
29. I mean, even if we took a loaf of bread, some milk, the Saturday paper and yelled at each other across the garden hedge...?
30. We stopped in Dunblane to ask about groceries. I casually asked about the test, how faint was the 2nd line...?
31. What 2nd line?
32. Ffs
33. 'I've lost the instructions so I wasn't sure what to do, but one line definitely came up, so that's positive, right?'
34. We got some more Covid test kits from the local pharmacy (WITH INSTRUCTIONS) and a packet of Tunnocks caramel wafer biscuits and continued on to the journey's end
35. Coffee and biscuit later, we did another test; negative 
36. The sun came out, Chris and I took the dugs around Braco Castle and came back for lunch.
37. Maw phoned. She'd arrived at Larbert!!! A week! Even with a broken ankle, she could have crawled there more quickly.
38. Chris and I agreed to drop off clothes etc on our way back past
39. We rolled up and I took the supplies in, managed a conversation from the doorway of Maw's room. She looked tired (!) but OK. I think we both heaved a sigh of relief 
40 Chris and I drove back to Edinburgh,  he dropped  me at Hermiston Gait, snd I cycled back into town, he drove back to Peebles 
41. As soon as I got to Her's  I poured the last of the gin into a glass, applied tonic, and relaxed 
42. Her lass went out shortly thereafter; I cooked halloumi with baharat and some bataharra type potatoes. 
43. I woke at 3 am and cycled home