Nonna's 85th birthday

We (me, my partner and our son) went up to Nonna's place (my partner's mum) to celebrate her 85th birthday.

She's pretty well all alone now although she does live in very large and well maintained retirement village.  There must be about 400 self contained dwellings (ranging from 2 bedroom free standing houses and apartments - some with great views over Narrabeen Lagoon (including here little one bed free standing one - luck of the draw it was available when she moved there.  There are also a number of "hostels" too.  They used to be graded into those who could still largely fend for themselves (make cups of tea and a simple meal in a common kitchen) and those that needed various degrees of extra care.  That all changed a decade ago so now everyone "ages in place" as much as possible.  That obviously has benefits but also means that the common kitchens have gone... so they now all live in a private room (which is great of course) but cannot even make themselves a cup of tea or get a piece of toast without asking for it, and the carers are basically too busy to help.

Her husband died about 5 years ago.  His short life in the village was not as easy as hers.  He went straight into the hostel style accommodation.  They moved due to his rapidly declining health and her inability to keep up with looking after him (eg. she was out of action for a coupe of months having broken her wrist).  They worked hard save up for their home - coming from very humble and, in his case, neglected upbringing during and after WWII.  He left home, with parental consent at the age of 15 or 16 from the North of England and came to Australia.

They eventually bought a house in what is now a very sort-after suburb but was, at the time, in the middle of nowhere with a handful of buses in and out on weekdays only.

Understandably he left his pride and joy kicking and screaming (almost literally).  It was probably just too much for him to bear to ever let go of it but, by the time it happened, with middle stages of dementia - the time when you pass in and out of it so can appear lucid to many - there was no option.  I've mentioned the collapsing aged care system here in Australia before.  Even though he had had assessments which gave him access to the best in-home health care these spent the first few months left in a pile of paper unseen by anyone other than the parents so, by the time action was taken, the wait list was 12 months long.  When Mrs x broke her wrist they were found and... the only "money" they had was in the house.  We had to look up what STML meant when we found them to work out what was wrong with him and thought "what the... how did we miss this?"

It probably could've happened better than it did (in hindsight).  They grew up not to complain so basically, no one knew it was happening (not for lack of people asking mind).

Anyway, this night, we got take away Chinese and fizzy drink and had a wow of a time to celebrate.  She loved the company even though sitting in a chair for that long killed her back (she has herniated discs and is allergic to nearly all pain killers) so by the time we left she was in great pain.

I'm writing /posting this on Saturday (the day after the blip).  Today we went up to a shop that sells those recliner chairs that can also help push you up onto your feet.  This trip was planned a few weeks ago.  They also sell everything else you can (we will probably) need in a decade or two.  Battery operated jar openers, plastic shower chairs, walking sticks that double as chairs, LED lights on flexible arms with a magnifying glass attached, big clocks, automated pill dispensers (my dad swears by them)... the list goes on.  We found the chair for her in one trip (thank goodness).  She happened to sit down in one she'd not looked at as she needed a rest after looking at a few, getting up and down, and said "Oh now this is comfortable".  Phew.

I went "in support" but, once I was in the car and we started on the trip I gave thanks for the fact that I'm checking this stuff out now, before I need it, rather than once the fan and the other stuff eventually meet.  As I mentioned, their money was in the house so she now has a little money, enough to at least be able to afford these "luxuries".  They are luxuries of course, they feel like essentials but they are luxuries - I get that.