Paua

Today I had my first outing since returning home from hospital way back here, 13 April.

With considerable logistics and the help of several kind people (including Mum - thanks :-) ) my car has a WOF. I'm completely 'had it' and sore but I couldn't have done it at all last Friday.

Better still I've seen an improvement in my thoughts after yesterday, mostly because a visit from T my friend the Chaplain at work. You couldn't wish for a more decent bloke.

T's a keen skier and I used to be but it's slipped for a few years as other priorities took over. Sea is primal to me but I need mountains too. I live in a place only 1.5 hours from amazing mountains and heaps of ski fields and don't get into them as much as I'd like.

I've done my time on commercial fields but don't fancy more of them. As of later in the year I will join Broken River Ski Club. I know the area well and can't wait to get into work parties and the fun of meeting new people, and discovering ones I know already (Christchurch isn't very big).

I have something to look forward to. Yesterday I Afelt nothing was really changing. Today I can acknowledge that while recovery is slow, there is progress and I won't be on drugs forever. This makes it easier for me to relax and 'go with the flow', even take more drugs if I have to. It won't be forever.

It was just a moment in time when I had a complete sense of "yes, you've thought about mountains and skiing for ages. This is right for you". It's another way to access 'the hills' and I can't wait. I don't even mind the prospect of re-learning skiing (especially ungroomed stuff) or using my old gear. That's the great thing about little club fields, they're unpretentious. Heaps of blip opportunities too ;-) I might even learn to telemark ski or reconnect with a snow board :-)

Anther big plus is Mum is staying longer. She is now here for another week. I'll be that much further down the track next week. Gosh I have special parents :-)

Today's blip. A bright point on a cold, grey day that despite pain and frustrations, turned out to a profound.