Milestones

The passage of time.

Hours, days, weeks, years, decades. We count, we celebrate.

I was lucky to have shared so many years with my mother yet, at the same time, feel robbed of happy memories we had yet to make.

Partly I feel this is more prominent in my thoughts as she left before it was time and partly because Covid restrictions robbed us of recent happy memories.

It has been a whole year without her. Yesterday as I ate lunch a Robin sat on the fencing watching me and I felt that she was still with me in some way. It was a very strange feeling to me as I would usually say that once you're gone, you are gone.

It continues to be a strange time and I am navigating it the best that I can, sensing that there is light just beyond the horizon. I stumble across little flickers here and there to keep me going.

An early vet trip. We have had an eye drop reduction and must return in 2 weeks. The eye is improving and the emotional roller coaster has found a bit of straight track for the moment. We took Roo to see father after. He doesn't really like her in his house but enjoyed giving her a biscuit when I left the room, despite me asking him not to.

I had a quick walk to meet Angel and Grayson when I got back as she messaged to say they were at the playing field if I was about. We finished at her house so I could see progress made with her
building work. She has not had working light switches for at least 10 years so I was particularly impressed by her dimmers. Her in laws are due to move in with them in 3 weeks so she has much more to do yet.

Then a much longer walk with my sister. Proper muddy in places and it was dark by the time I got home. S had brought me flowers whilst I was out to brighten my day. Thoughtful friends.

I tried some of the rings that my dad left with me. My hand is very swollen from an encounter with a brick wall yesterday.