We have ways of clearing the roads......

My membership of this august body expires today. Sadness, gloom and despondency. 
Oh dear, how sad, never mind.

Our new all singing all dancing velocipede is full of secrets, many of which are only accessible via various settings menus hidden within the depths of the computerised controls. Robert has discovered one that he wants to keep, a deep, dark but never the less, important functionality. The image above shows a small proportion of the Head Up Display (HUD) which rises from the dashboard and conveys important information to the driver, without your eyes leaving the road. Speed, posted speed limits, lane errors, overtaking verhickles, as the Cuzzins would say. 

Yet there is more to this beautifully crafted sheet of perspex. If the Garden Fairy ever lets me behind the wheel I can change the display at the flick of a switch, hidden on the right hand side of the control panel. Two things then occur simultaneously and at the same time. The steering wheel retracts and a control stick, identical to an Apache helicopter cyclic control replaces it, meanwhile the HUD display will give the fanatic driver, the option to engage the enemy, known as other road users. I have renamed the road users as Taliban, this makes me calm and peaceful but ultimately means the death toll on Britain’s roads will rise inexplicably over the next few months. 

Beware the purring Black Machine, she means well, but her owner does not! I could clear the M25 in a day, Leicester in an hour or three and of course Birmingham will be torched. Now remember, this is our little secret and must never be disclosed to the Plod. 

Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 

Have a nice day.