A Room with a Loo

Down in the south coast city of Yeosu tonight in preparation for the wedding of my brother-in-law and his lovely fiance tomorrow.
We're staying the night in the snazzy MVL Hotel (looking a lot more Gotham City above than it does in it's non-edited state, colourful animated neon lights being the order of the day), and in a typical example of how Korea likes to borrow English with varying results, the 'MVL' stands for 'Most Valuable Life'.

To give you an idea of just how valuable your life is considered here, please observe toilets with their very own remote control. These electro-loos are not uncommon over here, but this is the first time i've seen one with its own remote control unit.
I've used toilets that played opera music, had heated seats in winter, and that sprayed my bumhole with a terrifying shot of cold water before sending me merrily on my way. This one however, had the bum spray down to a tee - the water being around room temperature, which I assure you makes a world of difference.
Personally, I find it literally impossible to use these techo-bogs without giggling uncontrolably, even if it's in a packed public toilet. There is something inherently hilarious about having your anus jetwashed, and I don't know how any human being on earth is able to go through the process with a straight face.

Sadly the toilet's 'drying' option was clearly not designed with the sasquatch-esque western bunghole in mind, and getting a mouse to blow on my arse would've likely been more effective. That said, the breeze was somehow scented too, so every cloud has a silver lining.
But finally, in one last act of techno-brilliance, as I stood up and tried in vain to locate a handle to flush, the toilet simply stared at me indifferently - and promptly flushed itself.



Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.
- Chuck Palahniuk, Lullaby

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