Windmill 'Zeezicht', Nieuwenhoorn

'Zeezicht' = 'ZAY-zicht' = 'Seaview'

The morning was filled up with the job interview, which went rather well.  The school is located in Tilburg, some 26 km. away.  Forgot to mention yesterday that I drove AW's car to the garage for the annual APK, and they loaned me a car, standard practice, and it was this car that I took to the interview.  It was a lovely drive.  Same model as Carmela.  I think I'd like to buy something like it when I can afford it again.  The interview lasted an hour.  I wonder, but I have an open mind and a realistic view of the situation.

In the afternoon, I went hunting.  Been meaning to visit this particular windmill for some time and seized the opportunity today, with beautiful weather in spite of the numerous clouds.  On the way home, a gorgeous sunset, my first extra shot for this year, one without a pop filter.  Took a total of three shots and all I can say is that I was at the right spot at the right moment -- behind a filling station with an unobstructed view.

The evening was an entirely different affair as I found myself in the labyrinth of my messy head.  AW cleaned up in the kitchen, which I appreciated, but I think I had the feeling that I had somehow lost control of some things and the frustrations of the past two years surfaced viciously.  Is this an effect of being unemployed during a pandemic?  We didn't argue or anything but I fought my demons till late at night and fell asleep exhausted, still clutching my weapons.  One insight I gained just a few days ago was that everything in my early years was a deception, the compliments as well as the insults, everything was part of the structure of manipulation and falsehood.  The fruit of all of that are the demons of today and I had to remind myself again and again that whatever the truth is, all those things are not part of it.  It is difficult to reinvent oneself after a life of lies.  I'm thankful for those moments of rest, when I'm happy with something I'm doing.