New reality day 539

Northern lights were possibly visible last night around 3 am. I opted to sleep. So instead we have this sunrise from this morning. 

I will tell you something that has really upset me today.

I have this acquaintance from social media. I've met her through a conversation when we were still in Spain. She facebook friended me too. She was battling a cancer and I wanted to support her as she didn't seem to have that many friends. I've never met her, nor talked to her on the phone. We've just had written conversations over messenger and twitter.

At times I felt she sucked all my energy. But I didn't want to leave her alone. Last autumn I thought that I need to do something as I just didn't have the strength to deal with her. She was constantly writing to me and sending links and asking my opinion on this and that. I tried to slow the conversation down not replying to hew for few days. Which was somewhat successful.

Today I saw she started to write to me. And instantly told me that she want to tell me that I am so negative person that she just needs to say that to me.

I was so surprised that I actually asked her if she was writing to me.

Yes she was. First I thought that I'll just never reply and leave it to that. But I've done so much of that, not defending myself, just stayed quiet, so I engaged with her. But all I said was twisted so that I am accusing her of my  feelings. She told me that I'm the most negative person even and that if I have horrible work life I should not project that on her.

I told her that I'm happy with my job. Finally found something where I belong and enjoy. Well, how would she know, she's never asked.

So I told her that since I can not be the person she needs me to be I think we'll leave this to this. She agreed and told be goodbye.

The good thing is that now I don't have to give her my energy nor my attention. Definitely something I was hoping for. But I have to say that I am really hurt that someone who doesn't even know who I am (conversations always all about her. And I guess my negativity was the one when I told her that my job keeps me busy and does make me tired, trying nicely say that I can't be there for her so much). She used my empathy and kindness for 2 years and then just exploded on me and made it all my fault. I've never talked to anyone in that way. I've never needed to say anybody how I feel about them if I didn't like them. I'd just rather be quiet.

 I just don't understand how people think they are "just being honest" when they bad mouth someone. And how they can justify how they hurt other people. I just don't get it.

This woman. I do feel for her. She doesn't have it easy. Has cancer. Divorced. Son has moved on to his own life. Doesn't seem to have friends. Last 3 jobs she's been fired from because of her inability to adapt to the work environment. (I am not kidding.)



And I can see how everything she blamed on me was really a projection of her own life. Still I feel terrible even after it's been many hours since this happened.



At least she erased me from her social media, so I should be free of her.



Tomorrow I'll leave to Hämeenlinna. I called the hotel and asked for a remote room in advance. It's gonna be 2 nights so I'm hoping for some sleep. I thought it would be easier to arrange if I ask for it in advance.  The hotel is by the lake so I'm hoping for some nice photographs from the area.

Hämeenlinna is the castle of Häme in English. I'd like to visit the castle, but we won't have time for that. Or at least not while there's daylight. But we'll see. Perhaps someone will want to visit it anyway. I have no idea who's arriving from the Saimaa crew. Hopefully we'll have a great team spirit as we've had on last roadshows.

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Edit. My son tested positive for Covid. They had one at work who tested positive and so they all had to take the test. My worry is that he only has one vaccination. But hoping for the best.