Mascu-Lines

Two things today:

1) A young man, late teens, came into the pharmacy with a couple of his pals.

I've been an almost doctor long enough to know when people are up to no good, so it came as no surprise at all when he told me he had a rash on his 'whatsit'.

I played ignorant (no great challenge for me there) and looked completely blank whilst he rattled through every euphemism he could think of. Eventually, he was forced to use the correct term.

"I've got a rash on my penis. Do you want to see it?" He smirked, his friends smirked, they all smirked together.

One of my ex-boyfriends used to say that I went a bit 'Miss Jean Brodie' when I was annoyed (I don't think he meant it as a compliment) so I looked pityingly at the young oik and said in my best Morningside accent, "Unfortunately, I don't have my glasses with me today, so I can't see anything small. But if you'd like to dab some TCP on it, that usually shrinks anything nasty." Funnily enough, he declined...

2) We had a very handsome Glaswegian engineer in to fix our CCTV this afternoon. After looking perplexed for about an hour, and having had about 5 mugs of tea, he eventually admitted defeat.

"Ah'm aff hame hen," he said. "But see 'fore ah go...." He gazed deeply into my eyes and my heart beat a little faster, "gonie gie's a shot o' yer cludgie?"*


I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I am NOT paid enough....