New reality day 592

Photo from last night

I woke up and looked outside window. Had to put on some clothes and go outside to enjoy the show.

I’m on my way home now. Still bit more that 3 hours left.

I have to vent out now. I’m just trying not to cry. These group journeys are no fun as the only woman. Nearly a week I ‘be been trying to just adjust. Talk about what the men talk about. Trying not to be outsider when no one understands to include me.

My boss asked me how it’s been for me. I just told him that it would have been different if even one woman more had been there with me. But I don’t think he understands for real.

The other thing is this return trip. Different car now. The guy who did not want to pick me because I live in a logistically difficult place. He does not want to take me home. So I can take a taxi for the rest of the trip.

But. We don’t live in the city. The motorway is passing cities. So it’s been hard to find a place where I can find a taxi. I have 4 bags with me and my pillow in a bag. I need to switch from the car to the taxi and can’t walk around with all my stuff searching for a taxi. It’s gonna cost about 100€. The taxi. I worry that my boss will be livid with me with the amount. It’s not my fault I know. But I’m exhausted and this just feels too much to deal with. And I do need to pay it first and then they’ll hopefully reimburse me.

If I can hold in the tears this car ride, I’ll probably cry in the taxi.

I had my iPod with me but it stopped working this week. I wish I had some music to listen to but no, we are listening to an ice hockey game on the radio. I freaked could not care less. The guys talk about the game and I feel trapped in the backseat.

And I know I shouldn’t complain but I can’t help it. This feels miserable.