Breaking up is hard to do

Keith went to his new home today. He'll not only be loved, he'll be ridden regularly as he's designed to be.

It's a big decision and I feel sad, relieved, and free.

After more concussions than I care to number here, I no longer desire or enjoy doing the type of riding I once did. At times it's been borderline distressing, as I've tried to force myself do things and go places I thought I should.

A couple of weeks ago I asked myself why I "should" ride certain places in a particular way. It was both uncomfortable and freeing. It's ok to have a different internal risk mechanism when it comes to my head and body.

I also live half an hour drive from the nearest decent hill. (Maybe I should have worked that one out sooner). Keith is made for hills, rough stuff, and speedy downhills. I don't have to endlessly punish myself trying to do stuff that scares me.

I'm not who I once was and that's ok. I tried to be someone I'm not and I don't have to anymore. I'm free to be who I am now.

I quickly figured out what does bring me joy on a bike - the countryside, opportunities to commute and do errands, and cycling the many trails we have around NZ. I don't need Keith for any of those (granted he's a rollicking good time on those trails).

He's a pain on the flat and finds commuting a chore. I can do all I enjoy on a different bike. For now that bike is Bert.

As my Nana often said to me, one door closes and another opens.

So yeah, a sad but freeing decision. The stress factor has gone, and I'm able to see what's in front of me, and enjoy and appreciate that.

Keith has gone to the bloke half of a lovely couple. He's rapt and the name Keith will stay. It couldn't have worked out better.

Today's gratitude: For fronting up to reality and welcoming new possibilities and adventures.